Watch that Bison take out the other guy, so that the wolves have an easy target and he can get away! This is truly evolution in action. Nothing clever needs to be said here – this amazing video says enough.
Most members of this generation grew up with a few standard items in the household: a color television, a La-Z-Boy recliner, and more than likely, honey that came in a plastic bottle shaped like a bear.
The honey bear bottle was so widely used, that most people under the age of 35 believe this is the only way that honey can be purchased.
The honey bear bottle was made famous by Ralph Gamber in 1957, who was later to become president of the Dutch Gold Honey company. His position was clearly a result of the ingenuity demonstrated by the mass production of the honey bear bottle. The brilliant Gamber attributed this design to the sound logic that “a bear likes honey, why not a bear of honey?”
While the idea may not have originated with Gamber (some dude named Edward Rachins applied for a patent for the design years earlier), thanks to our wonderful economy of capitalism, he made tons of money off the idea by selling tons of plastic bears full of honey.
It has been reported that by 1995 as much as 15.5% of all honey was sold in such bears.
As far as I’m concerned, since the dawn of time 100% of all honey has been sold in these adorable little plastic bears.
So what’s the problem with these adorable little honey bear bottles?
The problem with these adorable little honey bear bottles is that the melt! That’s right, a mere 45 seconds in the microwave will reduce your lovable little honey bear into a pile of mush, seemingly transforming an adorable, pudgy bear into an anorexic monstrosity of toxic sugary goo.
Not only is the bear no longer cute, but it has poisoned that lovely honey with all of its melted plastic.
According to 86.3% of scientists, melted plastic is toxic when consumed. Moreover, the stuff will burn the flesh right off your body!
So, for the unnecessary dangers they pose, the honey bear bottle should be exterminated! Honey bear bottle, you’ve been warned.
So, rumor has it that on the night of May 21, 2011, that’s tonight, the world will end.
Correction, the world is not ending tonight, just the rapture. God supposedly told Noah (the guy that built the big boat, played by Steve Carell in Evan Almighty) that the world would end in another 7,000 years.
Well, God said something about 7 days, and a day is like 1,000 years to God, so 7,000 years. It’s all here, don’t take my word for it.
So, the word is that lots of people may die tonight. Some people might consider this an extermination. Maybe I haven’t read enough, but I have no idea how this is supposed to happen.
There are a few theories about how the world might end. There is the ever popular alien invasion theory.
There is the theory that an earthquake will lead to gigantic tsunamis that will flood the earth.
Personally, I hope that if the world is going to end, it involves some gigantic asteroid colliding into the earth, because I hope that Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis have the chance to save me.
Now I know what you’re thinking – “Exterminate penguins? But they have such style! And they’re so cute!”
No one is denying that penguins have a little swagger when they walk, and that they look cool. After all, what other animal can be seen wearing a tux?
And they are cute, makin’ out in public and all.
Penguins have families and mate with the same partner for life. The animal kingdom could use more examples of loyalty.
And those babies! Just look at the fuzzy, cute little babies!
Yes, yes, sharks are some of the toughest creatures on the planet. They eat all sorts of things. But it’s not just sharks that eat penguins. Here are a few pictures of cute little seals eating penguins, too.
And yes, some of those cute little seals may be a little tough too. But here’s a penguin getting eaten by a bird.
In addition to the fact that they’re eaten by just about everything, penguins are kinda stupid.
I mean really, they’re sliding into the mouth of their predator! Could they make it any easier on the guy?
In short, these animals are weak and stupid. They’re rollin’ along at the bottom of the food chain, which I guess makes them valuable to everything above them that likes to chomp ’em. But to the rest of us, they’re useless. Exterminate.
Occasionally, while doing research, you find something that is so on point you can’t help but get excited. But then, when you dig a little deeper, you realize that you were terribly, dreadfully wrong. Sometimes this gives rise to such frustration that extermination appears to be the only solution. In my case, the extermination is justified (not that there ever really needs to be justification).
It all started when I was doing a little research on extermination and stumbled upon a song titled “Exterminate.” Overjoyed at the possible discovery of the perfect theme song to compliment this blog, I expeditiously clicked on the link. The song was released in 1992 by a German band called Snap! The album even has clever cover art, so there was definitely potential.
I pulled up the video of Snap!’s Exterminate, full of expectation and excitement. It took mere seconds before that faded and gave way to extreme annoyance… and then a terrible headache. Since I would hate to deprive you of this misery, behold: Snap!, Exterminate.
I think extermination is the only appropriate response to this blasphemy by Snap! Any objections? I didn’t think so.
After a few months off this thing is ready to start rolling again. Rather than sharing some cleverly written piece about someone or something that should be exterminated, we should jump right in and observe some real, live extermination. I made this video of my pets a few years ago. Enjoy, and expect more extermination in the future!
(Of course, audio is used with permission from Underoath. (Not really, but who wouldn’t support something this awesome?))
This post focuses on people that blame other people, when really they only have themselves to blame.
You know what I mean: people who refuse to take responsibility for their own actions, and instead blame others for what they do.
Perfect example, these idiots lashing out at McDonald’s. Monica Parham is suing McDonald’s, saying that the toys in the Happy Meals entice kids to make unhealthy food choices.
If you want to say that McDonald’s isn’t completely honest about what goes into its food, or is just generally unhealthy, I’m fine with that. But if you’re going to say that toys in Happy Meals indirectly lead to childhood obesity, namely the obesity of your own children, I’m going to call you an idiot and propose your extermination.
McDonald’s recently began offering healthy alternatives to the fries and soda that typically come with a Happy Meal. Now kids can choose to drink milk or juice, and to get an apple with their Happy Meal. That sounds like a good start. Maybe McDonald’s should get a little credit for making an effort. Not according to Monica Parham. Her kids just want those darn toys, and because she has no backbone, they’re getting fat. Good idea Monica, blame someone else. Hey, you might make some money in the process.
When I started college there was a Dairy Queen and Pizza Hut in the student center. My meal plan allowed me to get a personal pizza and a blizzard whenever I wanted. Needless to say, I gained 10 to 15 pounds my first year in college. Looking back, I probably should have sued the school for making it so easy for me to use the meal plan to purchase unhealthy food. Or maybe I should have sued Dairy Queen for making those blizzards so freakin’ good that I couldn’t resist them.
It is important to boil this lawsuit down to the fundamentals. Essentially this lady is saying she’s entitled to a lot of money because McDonald’s puts toys in meals designed for children, and her kids are getting fat. Maybe she should just try parenting for a change.
(I am reluctant to make the usual call for extermination, specifically of Monica Parham, because she clearly likes to sue people for no good reason, and that’s the last thing I need. But you know how this should end.)
I’m sure many of you have recognized the shortage in posts recently. I hope that you have supplemented this lull by performing some extermination of your own.
This post will reflect on an beautiful, all natural extermination. Yesterday, Mother Nature kicked the Metrodome’s butt, and I just can’t stop watching the video.
Let’s look at the facts here:
1. This stadium is located t in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
2. Minneapolis averages about 45 inches of snow per season, and sometimes gets over 60 inches per season.
3. The roof of the Metrodome is inflatable.
4. The weekend of the collapse it snowed about 17 inches in Minneapolis.
5. The roof of the Metrodome is inflatable.
6. 17 Ethiopian orphanages were hired in 1979 to make the roof, which is comprised 3,491,203 helium balloons that were originally purchased for birthday parties.
7. It took the orphans nearly 3 years to complete production of the inflatable roof.
8. During production 43 Ethiopian orphans lost sight in one eye, 12 lost fingers in sewing machine accidents, there were countless puncture wounds due to insufficient thimble distribution, and there was one burst lung, reportedly caused by a balloon backfire.
9. The roof of the Metrodome first collapsed from snow accumulation in 1981, before the stadium was ever opened.
10. The roof has collapsed or “deflated” a total of 5 times.
11. The roof of the Metrodome is inflatable.
If one thing is clear from all of this, it’s that the people who designed the Metrodome should be exterminated. Since Mother Nature doesn’t take names, she took it out on the dome instead. As I love to say, this is evolution in action – the destruction of an inferior stadium. Just watch the video again. It’s awesome. Inspirational really. So go on, get out there and exterminate.
With the holidays right around the corner, I’m sure everyone is scrambling for gift ideas for the little exterminator in their life. Today, Extermination Station is going to be a tad more helpful than usual, and provide a few gift ideas for the holidays.
The Daisy BB Gun can be a great gift for an exterminator of any age. Great for target practice or extermination of small vermin, this always makes a great gift for the exterminator in your life.
But when the exterminator is beyond the age of playing with little BB Guns, or when you need to train this exterminator for the bigger jobs, consider Mattel’s M16 Marauder. With real life feel and sound, this is great for training the exterminator that is destined for greatness.
Here are a few little exterminators in training.
So for those of you wracking your brains to figure out what to get for the young ones this holiday season, look no further than these ideas. Remember, it’s never to early to start exterminating.
For those of you that may have doubts as to the wisdom encouraging extermination at such an early age, remember, your alternative is to let the kid’s mind waste away while playing video games.
That’s that I thought. Buy them a gun.
We have previously discussed the inherent danger of riding lawn mowers, particularly when the operator is attempting to smoke meth with a blow torch near barrels of gunpowder. Today we will address another element that significantly amplifies the inherent danger of the riding lawn mower: drunken rednecks with southern style.
It all began one fateful night in Kentucky, when Harvey Westmoreland went out to his brother’s barn to meet a few friends. A dispute erupted over… you guessed it… a riding lawn mower. You see, these two guys sold it to Westmoreland for $20, but then felt like they were being “ripped off.” That’s when the trouble began. Guns and knives were brandished, and all hell broke loose in this lowly Kentucky barn. The fight reached its climax when the supposed friends cut off Westmoreland’s beard, and forced him to eat it. Yes. They made him eat it. Hear if from Westmoreland yourself.
What you see in this video is a wonderful display of Southern Style. Here are a few more examples of Southern Style.
When it comes down to it, you can dress however you want. You make your own hot tub however you want, you can party at your wedding however you want, and you can play horseshoes with whatever you want. But I draw the line at making a man eat his own beard. That is taking Southern Style too far, and for that, you should be exterminated.