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Monthly Archives: June 2011

Most members of this generation grew up with a few standard items in the household: a color television, a La-Z-Boy recliner, and more than likely, honey that came in a plastic bottle shaped like a bear.

The infamous recliner.

The honey bear bottle was so widely used, that most people under the age of 35 believe this is the only way that honey can be purchased.

"Hi. I'm a generic honey bear bottle."

 

The honey bear bottle was made famous by Ralph Gamber in 1957, who was later to become president of the Dutch Gold Honey company. His position was clearly a result of the ingenuity demonstrated by the mass production of the honey bear bottle. The brilliant Gamber attributed this design to the sound logic that “a bear likes honey, why not a bear of honey?”

Ralph and Luella Gamber

While the idea may not have originated with Gamber (some dude named Edward Rachins applied for a patent for the design years earlier), thanks to our wonderful economy of capitalism, he made tons of money off the idea by selling tons of plastic bears full of honey.

15% of all honey is sold in bear bottles.

It has been reported that by 1995 as much as 15.5% of all honey was sold in such bears.

 

 

 

 

As far as I’m concerned, since the dawn of time 100% of all honey has been sold in these adorable little plastic bears.

100% of honey is actually sold in bear bottles.

So what’s the problem with these adorable little honey bear bottles?

Yes, we are adorable.

The problem with these adorable little honey bear bottles is that the melt! That’s right, a mere 45 seconds in the microwave will reduce your lovable little honey bear into a pile of mush, seemingly transforming an adorable, pudgy bear into an anorexic monstrosity of toxic sugary goo.

bleeeehhh.

Not only is the bear no longer cute, but it has poisoned that lovely honey with all of its melted plastic.

DO NOT EAT!

According to 86.3% of scientists, melted plastic is toxic when consumed. Moreover, the stuff will burn the flesh right off your body!

This guy got too close to a melted honey bear bottle.

So, for the unnecessary dangers they pose, the honey bear bottle should be exterminated! Honey bear bottle, you’ve been warned.