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Monthly Archives: December 2010

This post focuses on people that blame other people, when really they only have themselves to blame.

You know what I mean: people who refuse to take responsibility for their own actions, and instead blame others for what they do.

Unfortunately, even puppies do it sometimes. But we won't exterminate them just now.

Perfect example, these idiots lashing out at McDonald’s. Monica Parham is suing McDonald’s, saying that the toys in the Happy Meals entice kids to make unhealthy food choices.

 

If you want to say that McDonald’s isn’t completely honest about what goes into its food, or is just generally unhealthy, I’m fine with that. But if you’re going to say that toys in Happy Meals indirectly lead to childhood obesity, namely the obesity of your own children, I’m going to call you an idiot and propose your extermination.

If you wanted to argue that Ronald McDonald gave your kids nightmares, I could understand that.

McDonald’s recently began offering healthy alternatives to the fries and soda that typically come with a Happy Meal. Now kids can choose to drink milk or juice, and to get an apple with their Happy Meal. That sounds like a good start. Maybe McDonald’s should get a little credit for making an effort. Not according to Monica Parham. Her kids just want those darn toys, and because she has no backbone, they’re getting fat. Good idea Monica, blame someone else. Hey, you might make some money in the process.

That looks pretty happy and healthy to me.

These kids don't look fat, and they have a heck of a lot of McDonald's Happy Meal toys.

When I started college there was a Dairy Queen and Pizza Hut in the student center. My meal plan allowed me to get a personal pizza and a blizzard whenever I wanted. Needless to say, I gained 10 to 15 pounds my first year in college. Looking back, I probably should have sued the school for making it so easy for me to use the meal plan to purchase unhealthy food. Or maybe I should have sued Dairy Queen for making those blizzards so freakin’ good that I couldn’t resist them.

So freakin' good.

It is important to boil this lawsuit down to the fundamentals. Essentially this lady is saying she’s entitled to a lot of money¬† because McDonald’s puts toys in meals designed for children, and her kids are getting fat. Maybe she should just try parenting for a change.

(I am reluctant to make the usual call for extermination, specifically of Monica Parham, because she clearly likes to sue people for no good reason, and that’s the last thing I need. But you know how this should end.)

I’m sure many of you have recognized the shortage in posts recently. I hope that you have supplemented this lull by performing some extermination of your own.

 

This post will reflect on an beautiful, all natural extermination. Yesterday, Mother Nature kicked the Metrodome’s butt, and I just can’t stop watching the video.

Let’s look at the facts here:

1. This stadium is located t in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

2. Minneapolis averages about 45 inches of snow per season, and sometimes gets over 60 inches per season.

3. The roof of the Metrodome is inflatable.

4. The weekend of the collapse it snowed about 17 inches in Minneapolis.

5. The roof of the Metrodome is inflatable.

6. 17 Ethiopian orphanages were hired in 1979 to make the roof, which is comprised 3,491,203 helium balloons that were originally purchased for birthday parties.

7. It took the orphans nearly 3 years to complete production of the inflatable roof.

8. During production 43 Ethiopian orphans lost sight in one eye, 12 lost fingers in sewing machine accidents, there were countless puncture wounds due to insufficient thimble distribution, and there was one burst lung, reportedly caused by a balloon backfire.

9. The roof of the Metrodome first collapsed from snow accumulation in 1981, before the stadium was ever opened.

10. The roof has collapsed or “deflated” a total of 5 times.

11. The roof of the Metrodome is inflatable.

If one thing is clear from all of this, it’s that the people who designed the Metrodome should be exterminated. Since Mother Nature doesn’t take names, she took it out on the dome instead. As I love to say, this is evolution in action – the destruction of an inferior stadium. Just watch the video again. It’s awesome. Inspirational really. So go on, get out there and exterminate.