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No, this extermination is not inspired by a Looney Tunes cartoon starring a coyote or a road runner.

It is inspired by real life events. Meet John Blanchard, the fateful subject of this extermination.


John Blanchard - Not a brilliant man.


Every once in a while someone does something terribly stupid, and one of my favorite responses is to simply comment: “That’s evolution in action.”  We’re talking survival of the fittest here, folks.


I personally own this amazing Nike shirt. I got it in sixth grade, and it's still a little big. Nevertheless, it's my favorite shirt to wear while Exterminating.


A few night ago, Johnny decided to smoke some meth. No biggie. Unfortunately, the blowtorch that he chose to use was defective. The real problem began when he tossed the defective blowtorch aside, while it was burning (apparently), and it was just a tad too close to that big barrel of gunpowder. By some act of God (or fate, or evolution) the gunpowder exploded. Thank goodness that nearby container of black powder didn’t ignite too. (I can’t make this up people.) Unfortunately however, some other crap did catch fire.  Well, good ‘ole John jumped on his tractor (a/k/a ghetto riding lawnmower), which wasn’t quite as fast as he’d hoped.


John, when it comes to getaway vehicles, this was a poor choice. (It's not even a John Deere.)


John didn’t quite get away, and was nabbed by the police, who certainly had a difficult time catching up to this supercharged mower.

He was lucky enough to escape extermination this time, but it’s clearly inevitable that evolution will step in and exterminate good ‘ole John any day now.  Let’s just hope that makes it to the papers too.


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